I feared this moment. Now that it's here---it's not so bad at all. I'm wondering if I should think about counting calories, but my heart just isn't in that. I have, however, become re-invigorated with the C25k program. I never got off of it, but I did take two extra days off before starting W4D1. All previous runs have had a maximum of 9 total minutes of running time. This one had 16, with two 5m runs in there. I was intimidated, but I tried it with Boots on Saturday. I felt terrible, because I think I overheated him. He tried to lie down in the shade halfway through the second 3m run. I walked back to my car and called it a day.
I was worried that this would put me off of the program. My first failed/unfinished run. I have stuck to the program TO THE LETTER in terms of minutes run/walked. (I have, however, occasionally taken an extra day off here and there, but I am only currently just under a week behind schedule). Apparently, a lot of people drop off the program in weeks 4 and 5. The running time jumps significantly in week 4 and there is a 20m run in week 5.
But on Monday, I hit the treadmill and finished W4D1 easily and very well. Later that day, I did a bunch of crunches.
I'm feeling a bit guilty about slacking on Starting Strength. I'm really close to 100lbs squat (next session will either be 85 or 90, 80 deadlift, 75 bench). I do feel like I'm approaching weights where I really do need a spotter.
On Monday, I weighed in at 181lbs. 10 days ago, I weighed in at 179.5lbs. I was excited to be below 180, but I actually didn't expect it to stick quite yet. I'm right on that cusp, but I don't care about breaking through it as much as I did last time I was roughly in this position. We'll see what happens in June! Good things, I think!
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
I want to look good naked.
This is the best goal I can think of. Maybe a less narcissistic goal would be to be "healthy;" and I've mentioned that I do indeed want to be strong.
(Un)Fortunately for me, I have a partner who finds me physically attractive at this weight (and did at my heavier weights, too). This is encouraging for my self-esteem, but not as much so for my long term goals. However, anyone that knows me will affirm that while my partner's affection for me is valuable, it in no means governs my actions.
"Good enough" isn't good enough.
So why is this even worth mentioning? Well, it has to do with potential weight-loss stalls. I haven't really encountered it yet, but I'm sure it will come. In the past, once the actual weight loss got harder (that is, the numbers weren't going down), I felt like I had to ramp up the difficulty of my workouts to break through it. That and the constant micromanagement of my calories just burned out any interest I had to sticking to it. I was so frustrated because I wasn't seeing the scale change. Sure the inches were sort of going down, but other than that, I didn't feel DIFFERENT. I still felt squishy. I exhausted myself in the gym and ate less than X calories. WHY OH WHY DO YOU MOCK ME, SCALE?!?
I know I'm not alone in this sentiment. I've seen endless posts and talked to several friends who bore the same frustration. There's always some sort of "chin-up" addendum (I did/do it, too)--that says something like: "It must be water weight/muscle" or "I'll take this week as a challenge to meet X goals this week" or "That's okay because I know I'm getting stronger in ______."
I know that if I step on a scale today/tomorrow/whenever and see a number in the 180s, I'll probably go through it, too.
What I've been trying to do since April is to not fixate on the weight of my body and the main measure of my progress. I've been re-calibrating my brain to accept that weighing less is not as important to me as having my body look the way I want it to look. There's a woman in the gym I go to. She probably fits into the "overweight" category of the BMI scale. She has a strong, beautiful physique. She is VERY feminine-looking. She can move a LOT of iron. She has enough body fat on her that her muscles look sleek, but not cut. I want her body. I want to look like her.
Kinda reminds me of Staci's story.
So I'm trying to mentally force myself to think of what my actual GOALS are. Then I have to re-think what the best way to measure them will be. Everyone who wants to "lose weight" (I'm still one of them, really), fears/loathes/and judges their progress by....the scale. I still do.
I think what I want to do is strike the phrase/thought "I'm trying to lose weight." completely from my mind. Then what am I trying to do? I'm trying to make my body athletic. That just doesn't have the right ring to it, does it? "I'm trying to look good naked" has the right kind of humor/tone, but still, it's not right.
On Monday, I went in for my weight-lifting session. It was at the end of my work day (I usually go at lunch) and I felt--not up to it. I mentally toughed it out, almost didn't finish my set of presses (at 55lbs) and didn't do the target weight on power clean (55lbs) and instead struggled through finishing at 50 lbs. It's not fun to struggle, but what was a refreshing thought was that last time I struggled like that (squat--55lbs), I came back from my rest day and blazed through my difficult weight and moved on to a heavier weight with not a lot of problems. Despite that, I did feel a little defeated.
DO YOU SEE THE THEME HERE? Scale doesn't go down, feel defeated, semi-convince yourself it's okay with a lame pep talk. Struggle with weight lifting, feel defeated, semi-convince yourself it's okay with a lame pep talk.
Feeling defeated, no matter what your goals are, seems to be a common factor in giving up. Improvement is what might be key. Because of the Starting Strength and Couch to 5K programs, I KNOW that week to week and day to day, my performace improves. That feels good.
But I'm secretly still fearing when I'll see a scale plateau/increase. I'm still afraid that I'll encounter something that will lead me to give up this time. That's what I suppose this post is REALLY about. What do I need to do NOW (and later) to be sure I won't give up? I hope I find the answer.
(Un)Fortunately for me, I have a partner who finds me physically attractive at this weight (and did at my heavier weights, too). This is encouraging for my self-esteem, but not as much so for my long term goals. However, anyone that knows me will affirm that while my partner's affection for me is valuable, it in no means governs my actions.
"Good enough" isn't good enough.
So why is this even worth mentioning? Well, it has to do with potential weight-loss stalls. I haven't really encountered it yet, but I'm sure it will come. In the past, once the actual weight loss got harder (that is, the numbers weren't going down), I felt like I had to ramp up the difficulty of my workouts to break through it. That and the constant micromanagement of my calories just burned out any interest I had to sticking to it. I was so frustrated because I wasn't seeing the scale change. Sure the inches were sort of going down, but other than that, I didn't feel DIFFERENT. I still felt squishy. I exhausted myself in the gym and ate less than X calories. WHY OH WHY DO YOU MOCK ME, SCALE?!?
I know I'm not alone in this sentiment. I've seen endless posts and talked to several friends who bore the same frustration. There's always some sort of "chin-up" addendum (I did/do it, too)--that says something like: "It must be water weight/muscle" or "I'll take this week as a challenge to meet X goals this week" or "That's okay because I know I'm getting stronger in ______."
I know that if I step on a scale today/tomorrow/whenever and see a number in the 180s, I'll probably go through it, too.
What I've been trying to do since April is to not fixate on the weight of my body and the main measure of my progress. I've been re-calibrating my brain to accept that weighing less is not as important to me as having my body look the way I want it to look. There's a woman in the gym I go to. She probably fits into the "overweight" category of the BMI scale. She has a strong, beautiful physique. She is VERY feminine-looking. She can move a LOT of iron. She has enough body fat on her that her muscles look sleek, but not cut. I want her body. I want to look like her.
Kinda reminds me of Staci's story.
So I'm trying to mentally force myself to think of what my actual GOALS are. Then I have to re-think what the best way to measure them will be. Everyone who wants to "lose weight" (I'm still one of them, really), fears/loathes/and judges their progress by....the scale. I still do.
I think what I want to do is strike the phrase/thought "I'm trying to lose weight." completely from my mind. Then what am I trying to do? I'm trying to make my body athletic. That just doesn't have the right ring to it, does it? "I'm trying to look good naked" has the right kind of humor/tone, but still, it's not right.
On Monday, I went in for my weight-lifting session. It was at the end of my work day (I usually go at lunch) and I felt--not up to it. I mentally toughed it out, almost didn't finish my set of presses (at 55lbs) and didn't do the target weight on power clean (55lbs) and instead struggled through finishing at 50 lbs. It's not fun to struggle, but what was a refreshing thought was that last time I struggled like that (squat--55lbs), I came back from my rest day and blazed through my difficult weight and moved on to a heavier weight with not a lot of problems. Despite that, I did feel a little defeated.
DO YOU SEE THE THEME HERE? Scale doesn't go down, feel defeated, semi-convince yourself it's okay with a lame pep talk. Struggle with weight lifting, feel defeated, semi-convince yourself it's okay with a lame pep talk.
Feeling defeated, no matter what your goals are, seems to be a common factor in giving up. Improvement is what might be key. Because of the Starting Strength and Couch to 5K programs, I KNOW that week to week and day to day, my performace improves. That feels good.
But I'm secretly still fearing when I'll see a scale plateau/increase. I'm still afraid that I'll encounter something that will lead me to give up this time. That's what I suppose this post is REALLY about. What do I need to do NOW (and later) to be sure I won't give up? I hope I find the answer.
Friday, May 18, 2012
179.75lbs and Thoughts on Free Weights
I weighted in at 179.75 today! Woo! I'm down 8 lbs since April 30. 2012!
Current weightlifting numbers:
Squat 80lbs (started at 45, could barely do 55)
Bench press 70lbs (started at 55)
Deadlift 80lbs (started at 60)
Press 50lbs (started at 40)
Power Clean 50lbs (started at 40lbs)
Like I mentioned before, I'm following the "Starting Strength" plan. It's really fun and focused on building/developing the most important muscles. Several beginner workouts I've looked at try to teach you to do muscle groups (back and triceps, chest and biceps, legs, abs and shoulders, for example). At the front, I thought that would be a good approach since it seemed to cover all the bases.
I don't necessarily think it's a bad approach, but I didn't like it when I tried it. I liked the actual lifting, but there was something about how it felt...I didn't feel like doing biceps curls contributed to my overall health, you know? I didn't get the notion that calf raises or leg extensions would make me more able to carry a load of groceries up the stairs.
It felt like I was specializing before I had gotten the basics down.
For people who are already strong, and people who want to bulk up certain areas of their body, that may be a good approach, strengthening and toning individual muscle groups.
And it may be a good approach for beginners, too--but for me, I wanted to feel WHOLLY strong, as I have mentioned before. So why not free weights, then? They are really whole body exercises when you do it right. Well, was too intimidated to approach the free weight racks area of the gym.
*record scratch*
INTIMIDATED?!
Fuck me, intimidated?!
Let me let you in on a little bit of history. When I was in high school, I was an enthusiastic member of the powerlifting team. I absolutely loved that damned weight room (paltry as it was given our small school finances). I remember being so comfortable in the high school weight room with all the grunting sweaty boys. I remember them really incorporating me into the fold and cheering me on when I was trying my heaviest yet squat. Even if I was lifting 150lbs less than them, they were just as excited for me to hit MY goals as they were for their own. We had one or two "machines" (leg curl/leg extension, I think), but all the rest was free weight racks.
As soon as I identified my intimidated feelings, I decided to meet them head. fucking. on. Bah. Intimidated. Fuck that.
I'm feisty, but I'm not stupid. I did my research first so I wouldn't hurt myself. I know what it feels like when I will need a spotter if I add 10 more lbs. So here I am, with what might be regarded as "pitiful" numbers for all of my lifts.
I admit, I gave a thought to how stupid it might look with a squat bar on my back and teeny little 2.5lb weights on each side when I was trying 50lbs. Maybe it did look stupid. But I did it. A big, friendly, beefy guy came over after a tough bench set and asked if I'd want a spotter for my next set. I might feel embarrassed that he noticed my prior struggle, but really, he WANTED me to succeed. He wasn't making fun of me for being weak. I saw him benching what must have been 200lbs, but he was enthusiastic to help me with my 65-er. Maybe I did look weak to him, but I'll bet he paid more attention to the fact that I'm actively trying to be stronger than how weak I am.
I've got potential to be powerful, damnit. I'm making my way there.
Current weightlifting numbers:
Squat 80lbs (started at 45, could barely do 55)
Bench press 70lbs (started at 55)
Deadlift 80lbs (started at 60)
Press 50lbs (started at 40)
Power Clean 50lbs (started at 40lbs)
Like I mentioned before, I'm following the "Starting Strength" plan. It's really fun and focused on building/developing the most important muscles. Several beginner workouts I've looked at try to teach you to do muscle groups (back and triceps, chest and biceps, legs, abs and shoulders, for example). At the front, I thought that would be a good approach since it seemed to cover all the bases.
I don't necessarily think it's a bad approach, but I didn't like it when I tried it. I liked the actual lifting, but there was something about how it felt...I didn't feel like doing biceps curls contributed to my overall health, you know? I didn't get the notion that calf raises or leg extensions would make me more able to carry a load of groceries up the stairs.
It felt like I was specializing before I had gotten the basics down.
For people who are already strong, and people who want to bulk up certain areas of their body, that may be a good approach, strengthening and toning individual muscle groups.
And it may be a good approach for beginners, too--but for me, I wanted to feel WHOLLY strong, as I have mentioned before. So why not free weights, then? They are really whole body exercises when you do it right. Well, was too intimidated to approach the free weight racks area of the gym.
*record scratch*
INTIMIDATED?!
Fuck me, intimidated?!
Let me let you in on a little bit of history. When I was in high school, I was an enthusiastic member of the powerlifting team. I absolutely loved that damned weight room (paltry as it was given our small school finances). I remember being so comfortable in the high school weight room with all the grunting sweaty boys. I remember them really incorporating me into the fold and cheering me on when I was trying my heaviest yet squat. Even if I was lifting 150lbs less than them, they were just as excited for me to hit MY goals as they were for their own. We had one or two "machines" (leg curl/leg extension, I think), but all the rest was free weight racks.
As soon as I identified my intimidated feelings, I decided to meet them head. fucking. on. Bah. Intimidated. Fuck that.
I'm feisty, but I'm not stupid. I did my research first so I wouldn't hurt myself. I know what it feels like when I will need a spotter if I add 10 more lbs. So here I am, with what might be regarded as "pitiful" numbers for all of my lifts.
I admit, I gave a thought to how stupid it might look with a squat bar on my back and teeny little 2.5lb weights on each side when I was trying 50lbs. Maybe it did look stupid. But I did it. A big, friendly, beefy guy came over after a tough bench set and asked if I'd want a spotter for my next set. I might feel embarrassed that he noticed my prior struggle, but really, he WANTED me to succeed. He wasn't making fun of me for being weak. I saw him benching what must have been 200lbs, but he was enthusiastic to help me with my 65-er. Maybe I did look weak to him, but I'll bet he paid more attention to the fact that I'm actively trying to be stronger than how weak I am.
I've got potential to be powerful, damnit. I'm making my way there.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Strong and Squishy
Sometimes I wonder about mantras. Mantras teeter dangerously close to chanting/meditation. And we all know about that slippery slope into chakras, crystals, and energy healing.
My future mother-in-law recently said something along the lines of "Oh, I don't believe my house will ever be robbed--I put good energy into the universe."
Similarly, her own sister-in-law studies (and is currently being mentored in) the ehh...healing...art? Of Reiki. Essentially, it's the laying on of hands (in a thoughtful, reverent way, but not quite prayerful like in Christian religion, but with thoughts toward effecting change) to heal one's energy.
While I deeply care for these people and I know that plenty of folks feel very fulfilled by this type of meditative concentration on one's energy, it's all too--flimsy for me to take any of it seriously. According to systematic, random, clinical trials, there is no evidence that supports it at all. ( Lee, MS; Pittler, MH; Ernst, E (2008). "Effects of Reiki in clinical practice: a systematic review of randomized clinical trials". International Journal of Clinical Practice 62 (6): 947–54. doi:10.1111/j.1742-1241.2008.01729.x. PMID 18410352. http://www.blackwell-synergy.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1742-1241.2008.01729.x. Retrieved 2008-05-02.)
I understand how meditation, seeking calm within onself, can make a person feel emotionally/mentally more at ease. I do not believe that these practices manifest any physical effect on the world (other than the fact that a calm person might do their job better, be less likely to smash a tomato into my face, etc.). The idea that your positive energy waves DO anything is just nonsense.
But when I'm feeling like the last 30 seconds of my running interval are just impossible, or I don't feel like going to the gym to move heavy objects, or when I'm worried that I feel like my exercise/hard work isn't DOING anything, I keep almost--dare I say--prayerfully repeating one word over and over in my mind: Strong.
I want to be strong. I want to have a powerful and agile human body.
It feels like both a reminder of my goals, and a way to mentally toughen myself up for what I want/need to do.
This is especially helpful now. I know my weight is going down, but the physical appearance of my body seems--worse. It's like my fat is getting more dimply and squishy. DIMPLY AND SQUISHY?? It's such a poor reward for all of my hard work.
Strong.
It's hard to do, but I know I need to ignore the pudge for now and focus on the other (positive) changes. The weights I am able to lift keep getting heavier. My ability to finish my runs with gusto keeps improving.
I am strong. I am getting stronger.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Peeing on things.
Regarding peeing on things.
A woman in her 20s dreads intentionally peeing into cups or onto strips. Typically, it means pregnancy tests or STI/UTI screening. The combination of fear and discomfort (as well as the indignity of it all) leads to a Pavlovian dislike for peeing onto/into things other than toilets.
So why even discuss it? Well, on the Saturday after I started trying paleo, (3 days), I kept noticing something that smelled like marischino cherries--it was my breath. Despite this sweet heady smell, my mouth tasted...weird. As a chemist, I know of one thing which smells like that: acetophenone (and similar compounds, all of which are ketones). Off I went to Walgreens to find Ketostix, a brand of urinalysis sticks designed to screen for presence of ketones in the urine.
There I was, in the bathroom, filled with the jitters I associate with peeing on things (and invariably, peeing onto my own hand, goddamnit). Lo and behold, ketosis. Damnit.
Lesson to be learned? On paleo, I have to be conscious to eat more carbs. Sweet potatoes. Fruits. Got it.
That was some time ago now, but this weekend, I noticed something. I was fatigued beyond belief. I felt like I couldn't manage to roll myself out of bed for anything. I was sleeping 8-9 hours, and I wasn't killing myself in the gym. One piss test later, and I found that I was again in ketosis. As I mentioned in a previous post, I believe I was experiencing what ketogenic dieters call the "keto flu." This weariness apparently passes if you stay in ketosis long enough, but I have no intention of doing so. Some healthy carbs, a multivitamin, and a trough full of water later, and I was feeling back in shape.
Second lesson to be learned? ON PALEO, I HAVE TO BE CONSCIOUS TO EAT MORE CARBS.
Bah!
A woman in her 20s dreads intentionally peeing into cups or onto strips. Typically, it means pregnancy tests or STI/UTI screening. The combination of fear and discomfort (as well as the indignity of it all) leads to a Pavlovian dislike for peeing onto/into things other than toilets.
So why even discuss it? Well, on the Saturday after I started trying paleo, (3 days), I kept noticing something that smelled like marischino cherries--it was my breath. Despite this sweet heady smell, my mouth tasted...weird. As a chemist, I know of one thing which smells like that: acetophenone (and similar compounds, all of which are ketones). Off I went to Walgreens to find Ketostix, a brand of urinalysis sticks designed to screen for presence of ketones in the urine.
There I was, in the bathroom, filled with the jitters I associate with peeing on things (and invariably, peeing onto my own hand, goddamnit). Lo and behold, ketosis. Damnit.
Lesson to be learned? On paleo, I have to be conscious to eat more carbs. Sweet potatoes. Fruits. Got it.
That was some time ago now, but this weekend, I noticed something. I was fatigued beyond belief. I felt like I couldn't manage to roll myself out of bed for anything. I was sleeping 8-9 hours, and I wasn't killing myself in the gym. One piss test later, and I found that I was again in ketosis. As I mentioned in a previous post, I believe I was experiencing what ketogenic dieters call the "keto flu." This weariness apparently passes if you stay in ketosis long enough, but I have no intention of doing so. Some healthy carbs, a multivitamin, and a trough full of water later, and I was feeling back in shape.
Second lesson to be learned? ON PALEO, I HAVE TO BE CONSCIOUS TO EAT MORE CARBS.
Bah!
Monday, May 14, 2012
My current take on food. Permanent?
Permanent take on food? Is there such a thing? Back up off me! I can't see the damn future.
But what is true is that I feel good (as opposed to "good enough). And feeling good is good.
So in my previous post, I mentioned that I had cut out starch and sugar. BAM! I know what you're thinking--restrictive diets never work, they result in relapse, ad nauseum. And I agree--except I don't feel restricted. In fact, I feel completely unconstrained. I have stopped monitoring calories ENTIRELY. I have stopped stressing about protein and macronutrient ratios. I eat when I'm hungry and I eat as much as I want until I'm not hungry. Because of the foods that I'm eating, it's actually UNCOMFORTABLE to graze and keep eating when I've had "enough." Before, I could graze and pick absentmindedly, no big deal. Not anymore.
What did I do? I. Went. Paleo.
I know what you're thinking. Caveman diet? What about saturated fats? Isn't that just for hippies and crazies?
Maybe.
For those that don't know, the idea behind eating paleo is that from an evolutionary standpoint, our species evolved as hunter gatherers. Leafy greens, vegetables, some meats, some tubers, some seasonal fruits--no grains. Grains, from a timeline perspective, were introduced in the last...0.6% of our evolutionary history. The argument is that evolution is slow, and that perhaps we are not (yet) evolutionarily equipped to "handle" grains/legumes/dairy. Paleo-people argue that eating these things results in--cue dramatic interlude--inflammation.
I'm not so sold on that. It sounds kind of like those "cleanse" things they try to sell you in Whole Foods that try to rid your body of "toxins." Bullshit.
As for saturated fats, the biggest thing people point to is cardiovascular disease. If you increase the amount of meats and fats in your diet, are you risking coronary disease? The short answer is: FUCK! Nobody agrees. NOBODY. Scroll down to the Cardiovascular Disease section here.
It does. It doesn't. Fine. But do you know what's unhealthy for SURE? Being fat.
So I started eating paleo. Meats, poultry, eggs, and LOTS AND LOTS of vegetables (kale, cauliflower, steamed green beans, a bit of sweet potato, lettuces, avocado, spinach, etc.). A bit of fruit here and there (strawberries, pears) and a bit of dairy (but not a whole lot), and I don't feel like I'm missing much.
My meals are bountiful. Last night I made Anne Burrell's braised short ribs served over steamed fresh green beans (or haricot verts if you want to be fancy). Sometimes it's steak and sauteed chard. Or bacon and eggs with a sweet potato hash. Mashed cauliflower. Roasted asparagus. GRILLED THINGS. And I feel full. Satisfied. I don't feel like a calorie-counting portion-managing hunger beast. Feels good man. Snacks include string cheese, applesauce, almonds, half an avocado, a hard boiled egg. No big deal. I don't feel lacking yet. Some people make kale chips. Sounds good. I dunno, haven't tried it yet.
Energy-wise, I'm doing good. I work out like a beast and for the most part, I feel like I have the energy for it. I'm lifting free weights. I want to be STRONG. I'm using this program and it's really fun.
And as for cardio, I got burned out so damned fast on 20 minutes here or there on the elliptical. I decided that a goal-oriented program was for me. C25K, bitches!!!! I'm a few weeks in and enjoying it. D even has vowed to do it with me.
So, I'm down to 181.5lbs and feeling good. Even if the whole insulin shuttle thing is bullshit. Even if Paleo people might be a bunch of crazies. Even if cutting out starch seems radical, I don't give a crap for now. I feel good, satiated, and full of energy.
I'm excited to see where this takes me.
But what is true is that I feel good (as opposed to "good enough). And feeling good is good.
So in my previous post, I mentioned that I had cut out starch and sugar. BAM! I know what you're thinking--restrictive diets never work, they result in relapse, ad nauseum. And I agree--except I don't feel restricted. In fact, I feel completely unconstrained. I have stopped monitoring calories ENTIRELY. I have stopped stressing about protein and macronutrient ratios. I eat when I'm hungry and I eat as much as I want until I'm not hungry. Because of the foods that I'm eating, it's actually UNCOMFORTABLE to graze and keep eating when I've had "enough." Before, I could graze and pick absentmindedly, no big deal. Not anymore.
What did I do? I. Went. Paleo.
I know what you're thinking. Caveman diet? What about saturated fats? Isn't that just for hippies and crazies?
Maybe.
For those that don't know, the idea behind eating paleo is that from an evolutionary standpoint, our species evolved as hunter gatherers. Leafy greens, vegetables, some meats, some tubers, some seasonal fruits--no grains. Grains, from a timeline perspective, were introduced in the last...0.6% of our evolutionary history. The argument is that evolution is slow, and that perhaps we are not (yet) evolutionarily equipped to "handle" grains/legumes/dairy. Paleo-people argue that eating these things results in--cue dramatic interlude--inflammation.
I'm not so sold on that. It sounds kind of like those "cleanse" things they try to sell you in Whole Foods that try to rid your body of "toxins." Bullshit.
As for saturated fats, the biggest thing people point to is cardiovascular disease. If you increase the amount of meats and fats in your diet, are you risking coronary disease? The short answer is: FUCK! Nobody agrees. NOBODY. Scroll down to the Cardiovascular Disease section here.
It does. It doesn't. Fine. But do you know what's unhealthy for SURE? Being fat.
So I started eating paleo. Meats, poultry, eggs, and LOTS AND LOTS of vegetables (kale, cauliflower, steamed green beans, a bit of sweet potato, lettuces, avocado, spinach, etc.). A bit of fruit here and there (strawberries, pears) and a bit of dairy (but not a whole lot), and I don't feel like I'm missing much.
My meals are bountiful. Last night I made Anne Burrell's braised short ribs served over steamed fresh green beans (or haricot verts if you want to be fancy). Sometimes it's steak and sauteed chard. Or bacon and eggs with a sweet potato hash. Mashed cauliflower. Roasted asparagus. GRILLED THINGS. And I feel full. Satisfied. I don't feel like a calorie-counting portion-managing hunger beast. Feels good man. Snacks include string cheese, applesauce, almonds, half an avocado, a hard boiled egg. No big deal. I don't feel lacking yet. Some people make kale chips. Sounds good. I dunno, haven't tried it yet.
Energy-wise, I'm doing good. I work out like a beast and for the most part, I feel like I have the energy for it. I'm lifting free weights. I want to be STRONG. I'm using this program and it's really fun.
And as for cardio, I got burned out so damned fast on 20 minutes here or there on the elliptical. I decided that a goal-oriented program was for me. C25K, bitches!!!! I'm a few weeks in and enjoying it. D even has vowed to do it with me.
So, I'm down to 181.5lbs and feeling good. Even if the whole insulin shuttle thing is bullshit. Even if Paleo people might be a bunch of crazies. Even if cutting out starch seems radical, I don't give a crap for now. I feel good, satiated, and full of energy.
I'm excited to see where this takes me.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Calories, Sugar, Fats, and SCIENCE
Eat less. Exercise more. Burn more than you eat.
A simple formula for weight loss that is obvious and has failed me--and I certainly blame my self control, my perseverence, etc. Clearly burning more results in weight loss, but there are more factors that work against this than I knew about.
However, I've been doing research on food/sugar/insulin related issues with respect to my diagnosis of polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). PCOS (as the name indicates), results in ovarian cysts, but part of the reason it does so is due to a malfunction in the insulin receptor (which is involved in follicle formation and release of an ovum). Due to this malfunction, the body (because it thinks it doesn't have enough insulin), makes more insulin than it needs. Insulin is super-efficient at shuttling sugar into fat stores. Sugar that is eaten is rapidly stored as fat, and the body (rather than wanting to use its fat stores) craves more food, because it needs more energy. Vicious cycle. Fortunately, I have never approached the danger zone of type II, but I am an excellent candidate should I not correct my health/weight issues.
Here's a little video to illustrate the relationship between insulin and fat.
The idea behind the video encompasses the hormones insulin and leptin. Leptin is a recently discovered hormone which assists in the regulation of hunger. It tells the brain "I've had enough." However, when there is an overabundance of insulin in the body, the insulin blocks the receptors for leptin.
So what to do? Buy a glucometer to keep my blood sugar at a healthy level? If I do want the leptin pathways to be functional, how do I kickstart it? Also, how do I find the balance between nourishing my body's cells (without harming this leptin-insulin imbalance) while still finding enjoyment in my food? Is it possible?
Sure. I guess. The first step is to acknowledge that in the light of my insulin issue, a calorie is not a calorie. It kills me to even think that. I used to think that it was a matter of physics--intake/burn. Period. But I just have to acknowledge that for me, that is NOT the sole consideration that I must make.
Again, at heart I am a scientist. I did a lot of research on how to re-enter the cycle of leptin's healthy intervention on food intake. Most of them endorsed a carbohydrate fast. Essentially, the goal was to intentionall put the body in ketosis and starve it for sugar. The body down-regulates insulin, utilizes fat stores in order to fuel its cells with energy. This results in metallic taste in the mouth, foul smelling urine, acetone-breath, and often what is called a "keto-flu" as your body adjusts. Doesn't that sound unhealthy? It does to me.
But, what can't be denied that over the last 30-40 years, our genetic pool hasn't changed a whole lot, but our food resources have. More grains, less fat. Low fat. No fat. More sugar in more places.
Of course fat can make you fat. Huge amounts of calories make you fat no matter what, and fat is VERY calorie dense. However, considering the insulin-sugar shuttle, sugar makes you fat, too.
So I decided to try something crazy, something I swore I'd never do. I decided to do a modified low carb thing. I did not (and do not) want to enter ketosis. I decided to consider cutting out starch (ALL grain--pasta, bread, rice, quinoa, etc, corn, and potatoes) and sugar (except that which comes from fruits/veggies/honey).
WHOA! What the hell? Seems like a big change. Well, truthfully, it wasn't. I didn't eat a lot of pasta, rice, or quinoa in general. Most of the potatoes I ate were french fries, and talking myself out of that wasn't hard either. The hardest things to think about were bread and corn. Bread! Cake! Tortillas! Cookies! Bah! And in truth, so far, I'm not missing them. I know that sounds improbable, but I don't. As for the sugar, that's a bit harder. I love ice cream. And occasionally I miss it.
But the changes I have made in my eating in other ways have MORE than compensated for what I was "giving up"--so much so, that I don't feel like I was giving much up at all. The reason being that I personally believe that I have adjusted my body's ability to feel satiated. I don't CRAVE like I did. I feel full with less food--way before I had ever expected to. How? I'll tell you...
NEXT POST (this one is long enough. phew).
A simple formula for weight loss that is obvious and has failed me--and I certainly blame my self control, my perseverence, etc. Clearly burning more results in weight loss, but there are more factors that work against this than I knew about.
However, I've been doing research on food/sugar/insulin related issues with respect to my diagnosis of polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). PCOS (as the name indicates), results in ovarian cysts, but part of the reason it does so is due to a malfunction in the insulin receptor (which is involved in follicle formation and release of an ovum). Due to this malfunction, the body (because it thinks it doesn't have enough insulin), makes more insulin than it needs. Insulin is super-efficient at shuttling sugar into fat stores. Sugar that is eaten is rapidly stored as fat, and the body (rather than wanting to use its fat stores) craves more food, because it needs more energy. Vicious cycle. Fortunately, I have never approached the danger zone of type II, but I am an excellent candidate should I not correct my health/weight issues.
Here's a little video to illustrate the relationship between insulin and fat.
So what to do? Buy a glucometer to keep my blood sugar at a healthy level? If I do want the leptin pathways to be functional, how do I kickstart it? Also, how do I find the balance between nourishing my body's cells (without harming this leptin-insulin imbalance) while still finding enjoyment in my food? Is it possible?
Sure. I guess. The first step is to acknowledge that in the light of my insulin issue, a calorie is not a calorie. It kills me to even think that. I used to think that it was a matter of physics--intake/burn. Period. But I just have to acknowledge that for me, that is NOT the sole consideration that I must make.
Again, at heart I am a scientist. I did a lot of research on how to re-enter the cycle of leptin's healthy intervention on food intake. Most of them endorsed a carbohydrate fast. Essentially, the goal was to intentionall put the body in ketosis and starve it for sugar. The body down-regulates insulin, utilizes fat stores in order to fuel its cells with energy. This results in metallic taste in the mouth, foul smelling urine, acetone-breath, and often what is called a "keto-flu" as your body adjusts. Doesn't that sound unhealthy? It does to me.
But, what can't be denied that over the last 30-40 years, our genetic pool hasn't changed a whole lot, but our food resources have. More grains, less fat. Low fat. No fat. More sugar in more places.
Of course fat can make you fat. Huge amounts of calories make you fat no matter what, and fat is VERY calorie dense. However, considering the insulin-sugar shuttle, sugar makes you fat, too.
So I decided to try something crazy, something I swore I'd never do. I decided to do a modified low carb thing. I did not (and do not) want to enter ketosis. I decided to consider cutting out starch (ALL grain--pasta, bread, rice, quinoa, etc, corn, and potatoes) and sugar (except that which comes from fruits/veggies/honey).
WHOA! What the hell? Seems like a big change. Well, truthfully, it wasn't. I didn't eat a lot of pasta, rice, or quinoa in general. Most of the potatoes I ate were french fries, and talking myself out of that wasn't hard either. The hardest things to think about were bread and corn. Bread! Cake! Tortillas! Cookies! Bah! And in truth, so far, I'm not missing them. I know that sounds improbable, but I don't. As for the sugar, that's a bit harder. I love ice cream. And occasionally I miss it.
But the changes I have made in my eating in other ways have MORE than compensated for what I was "giving up"--so much so, that I don't feel like I was giving much up at all. The reason being that I personally believe that I have adjusted my body's ability to feel satiated. I don't CRAVE like I did. I feel full with less food--way before I had ever expected to. How? I'll tell you...
NEXT POST (this one is long enough. phew).
Thursday, May 10, 2012
SPRINGTIME
I think it's something about springtime that kicks me into gear. It happened last year, and it's happening again. I won't make statements like "maybe this time it will stick," or shit like that. But this is what I know:
D and I are getting married in August. I don't want to embarrassed to see photos of myself on such a wonderful day as that.
During my roly poly hibernation from health and exercise, I have REFUSED to buy new clothes. I wore my size 14s and large to XL tops, somehow managing to keep my weight JUST under stuffed sausage in those clothes.
I had a miscarriage in January. During that time, I had several medical appointments where I weighed in (clothed) at 190, 195, 199.9. CRAP CRAP CRAP. Seriously! Heaviest ever.
I dealt with emotional turmoil, hormonal flux, and stress like I always do--accidental weight loss. I somehow, without trying, went back down to my official re-weigh in: 187.75.
For a reminder, this is 7 pounds heavier than my prior "let's do this" moment. And with that plan, what I did was eat healthy, work out 4-5 days a week, and monitor my activity with a fitbit (pedometer type thingy). Here is where I feel I went wrong:
When I was eating "healthy," I was constantly managing calories, portion control, stressing out over not having a daily calorie deficit, etc. I was trying very hard to cut out fats, eat veggies, and eat other foods that would help me feel full. Additionally, I would do things like eat Chick-fil-A (nuggets and fries), note the calories, and adjust my remaining daily allowance accordingly. I figured, if I just keep below X number and work out X amount, the weight would come off.
And to some extent it did. But I was becoming QUICKLY exhausted with this micromanagement. It was all I thought about. So my micromanaging dwindled off, and I stopped controlling portions/balances, but kept eating what I liked. Surprise, surprise--weight gain!
Additionally, I started out all enthusiastic about "lifting weights." I was doing a lot of those machine weights at the gym--you know, the ones way less intimidating than free weights. Obviously, no one can see muscle gain/tone until the fat comes off a reasonable amount. So my enthusiasm for the "lifting" dwindled as I saw no appreciable improvement or results. So I stuck to cardio--which is so mind numbing and boring that I dwindled off of that, too.
With fitness, and more specifically, with weight loss, everyone is looking for that thing--that plan/regimen/ideaology that will "change their life for real." Something more permanent--or at least something they can stick to until the goals are achieved.
SO, like the good little scientist I am, I hit the medical journals. I delved into every relevant peer reviewed thing I could find (obesity research, PCOS research, type II diabetes research, macronutrient/diet research) to try to fish out what is a good fit for me.
I'll write more about this next time. For now, I'll let you know that I started over again on April 30, 2012 weighing in at 187.75. Yesterday, May 9, 2012, I weighed in at 181.5 Here we go, body. Let's do this.
D and I are getting married in August. I don't want to embarrassed to see photos of myself on such a wonderful day as that.
During my roly poly hibernation from health and exercise, I have REFUSED to buy new clothes. I wore my size 14s and large to XL tops, somehow managing to keep my weight JUST under stuffed sausage in those clothes.
I had a miscarriage in January. During that time, I had several medical appointments where I weighed in (clothed) at 190, 195, 199.9. CRAP CRAP CRAP. Seriously! Heaviest ever.
I dealt with emotional turmoil, hormonal flux, and stress like I always do--accidental weight loss. I somehow, without trying, went back down to my official re-weigh in: 187.75.
For a reminder, this is 7 pounds heavier than my prior "let's do this" moment. And with that plan, what I did was eat healthy, work out 4-5 days a week, and monitor my activity with a fitbit (pedometer type thingy). Here is where I feel I went wrong:
When I was eating "healthy," I was constantly managing calories, portion control, stressing out over not having a daily calorie deficit, etc. I was trying very hard to cut out fats, eat veggies, and eat other foods that would help me feel full. Additionally, I would do things like eat Chick-fil-A (nuggets and fries), note the calories, and adjust my remaining daily allowance accordingly. I figured, if I just keep below X number and work out X amount, the weight would come off.
And to some extent it did. But I was becoming QUICKLY exhausted with this micromanagement. It was all I thought about. So my micromanaging dwindled off, and I stopped controlling portions/balances, but kept eating what I liked. Surprise, surprise--weight gain!
Additionally, I started out all enthusiastic about "lifting weights." I was doing a lot of those machine weights at the gym--you know, the ones way less intimidating than free weights. Obviously, no one can see muscle gain/tone until the fat comes off a reasonable amount. So my enthusiasm for the "lifting" dwindled as I saw no appreciable improvement or results. So I stuck to cardio--which is so mind numbing and boring that I dwindled off of that, too.
With fitness, and more specifically, with weight loss, everyone is looking for that thing--that plan/regimen/ideaology that will "change their life for real." Something more permanent--or at least something they can stick to until the goals are achieved.
SO, like the good little scientist I am, I hit the medical journals. I delved into every relevant peer reviewed thing I could find (obesity research, PCOS research, type II diabetes research, macronutrient/diet research) to try to fish out what is a good fit for me.
I'll write more about this next time. For now, I'll let you know that I started over again on April 30, 2012 weighing in at 187.75. Yesterday, May 9, 2012, I weighed in at 181.5 Here we go, body. Let's do this.
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