172.5lbs and Existentialist Crises (Crisises? Dilemmae?)

So I submitted my "Thursday" weigh-in on my weight loss group. I weighed in on Wednesday at 174. My Thursdays are unpredictable and busy, so I usually submit the weight that I get at the gym on Weds as my weight so that I'm not super late in submitting.

I weigh in on a balance beam scale in my gym. With those balance beam scales, sometimes you can tell that you are "in between" the readings. I was less than 174, but more than 173.5 for sure. I don't like standing in the locker room naked for 5 minutes staring at the slowly moving balance beam, so I often just accept certain reads as "close enough." I use "quotes" a lot.

Yesterday (Thurs), I did have some unexpected free time to pop over to the gym. I weighed in at 172.5. Because I was skeptical of this weight (it seems that I'm always skeptical of my weigh-ins), I stood there, nekkid as a jaybird (you can thank my dad for that phrase), staring at that stupid balance beam until it was SMACK in the middle of the thingie. You know what I mean. I was SURE that I must be imagining it. But there it was. 172.5lbs, BMI 29.6.

SO! As for my existentialist debacles. Last blog post, I was discussing ideal weight and frame size and whatnot. Because I'm a scientist, I obsessed over the numbers of it all, looking up a multitude of sources for my ideal weight. Additionally, I consulted the American Medical Association as well as the surgeon general's recommendations. Both of those adhere to BMI, so basically, there's way too much random "facts" to pick one. So I have decided to amend my current weight loss goal.

At 5'4 I want to weigh 130lbs. EVERY single weight loss recommendation I saw had this number within their "healthy" range.

I'm a touch worried that I'll get to 150 and quit. I still have this fear that I won't feel like myself if I'm not at least a bit more "fluffy" than skinny people. But I don't want this fear of the unknown to stop me from getting where I'm going. Maybe I'll get there, keep it for a few months, and decide to keep things at a more relaxed weight?

Maybe I'll get to 145 and hit a monster plateau and stay at that weight forever. I read a lady's blog recently where she stayed within 225 and 232 for 20 months. 20 MOTHERFUCKING MONTHS TO LOSE 7 LBS?!?! I don't know if I could emotionally handle that.

So! What's the plan? I plan to not let myself get discouraged before I even approach obstacles. I've already lost 12.5lbs. I'm 27.5lbs away from my original goal and 42.5 away from my new one. I will keep that initial goal in the forefront for now, though.

Diet Chic recommended that I should keep goals of 10lbs at a time in mind. And I do sort of do that already, but mostly I keep the end in mind. Maybe I should do what she says, eh? 2.5lbs away from new pictures!!! 7.5lbs away from the big 2-0 loss. I should make some mini-rewards for that.