Fat Girl at the Gym

So joining a gym in February is a weird thing. Lots of people that made their new year's resolutions are already dropping off. As such, they will often offer a new lowered rate in February (about $15/month lower) and waive the introductory fees. Also, if you include a second/third/nth person with your signup, they get a lowered fee. I did this as a Valentine's day gift for myself and for the boyfriend.

Fortunately, he's a wonderful person and was excited about it. He didn't interpret it as: "Happy Valentine's day, love. You're fat."

So here's what sucks about joining a gym:

1) There are lots of skinny people. The skinny women wear tiny shorts and little tops. If you join after the new year's drop off, there aren't as many people that are...you know...fluffy. It feels discouraging to see people that are already so thin and fit working WAY harder than me. It makes me worry if I can really work as hard as I need to to reach my goals. Also, because I feel like the fat girl at the gym, it seems like people are looking at me, thinking: "Aww, good for the fat girl." or "About time, chubby."


2) Feeling ignorant. I know that I can walk up to any machine and figure out how to use it. And I know enough workouts that I can do on a bench with free weights to not feel too dumb. But figuring out a plan is a nightmare. Googling "beginner's gym routine for women" or something like it gets you a glut of information that all seems to conflict. Just deciding how you're going to approach your work outs is daunting. And then, you actually have to do it! I don't want to be in a gym full of what appear to be "exercise professionals" and look to be wandering around like I'm lost. Or, when I have a plan in mind like: Tonight is workouts X, Y, and Z in a circuit, but there's some beefy guy grunting away at workout Y area, I feel like, somehow, he has more right to be there than I do. Not just because he got there first. I know he'd probably oblige me if I asked to jump in for a set. It's just because he's beefy.

3) People always seem so silent on the cardio equipment. If I'm doing cardio, I don't want to just cruise along at an easy clip. I want to SWEAT. I want to push myself hard and burn a lot of calories. I always feel like I'm the only one breathing hard. It's more likely that hearing myself breathing sounds a lot louder to me than it is, say, 2 feet away from me. It still just feels like I'm the fatty huffing and puffing away and everyone knows it.

And just in writing this, I know that all these insecurities are mostly unfounded. Getting started in any new process has an "awkward phase." Now that I've been in a gym for more than a month, I've come to realize that nobody gives a shit about what I'm doing in the gym. People are zombies in the gym and no one gives two shits about anyone around them. In fact, every gym I've ever been in has a stripe of some sort up near the ceiling. I'm convinced this is for giving people an eye line of something to stare at when they're focusing. Same with the clocks and televisions being up high. People are either looking at what they're doing or looking up.

I still feel insecure, but I just focus on what I'm doing and try not to think about it. None of these insecurities are enough to keep me out of the gym. I look forward to it now. I always keep my little gym bag in my car and I'm ready to go straight after work. It's currently just a part of my routine and I intend to keep it that way.